I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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