Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My balls are so social today.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
