What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
