He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
God, I missed his penis.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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