well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
