just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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