i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
