Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
