I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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