Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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