just come out here and I will go home with you...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
