I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
