why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize