I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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