I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
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BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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