woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
