PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize