so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
