god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
