New low: just hacked my moms facebook
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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