All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
