her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
