I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
