mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
