my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
