and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize