Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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