I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
