i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
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She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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