I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
