I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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