don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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