Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
