Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
now i know why i became what i already was.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
