He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
