Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
