if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
