her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what day is it and did you see me today?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
