Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
