I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
