you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
