I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
