If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
