I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I pour the whiskey from now on
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
