I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
