i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
