im six kinds of drunk right now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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