She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So many bounce houses so little time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
