So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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