he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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