What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
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Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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