His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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