I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
