Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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