Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
