I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
