now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
birth control should be required to get into college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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