her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
