my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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