Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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