Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Randomize
