Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
