Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
