Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
