I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
