Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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