You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
