I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
