His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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