I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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