I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
