Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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