you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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